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Subject(s): General Interest Add to My Group
They are like a man who, standing in water, complains of thirst. --Hakuin (1683-1758) I used to imagine -- most of the time - that I lived out there in the world, just the same as everyone else. I considered myself a thing, a person, living in a particular country, in a particular town, in a particular street, in a particular house. In fact, home was this body -- you could always find me at this address. Well, as long as my heart continued beating and my lungs breathing. Of course, it makes sense to call this body home. In fact, it's vital I identify with it. I accept this. But I now realize I don't live there. My body is a thing and it's there, whereas I am no-thing and I'm here. How do I know this? A friend pointed it out. He guided me through awareness exercises that turned my attention round from what I was looking at (or listening to, and tasting, and feeling), to what I was looking out of -- my transparent and silent true nature. Following his instructions, I traveled back from my appearance to my reality, from my image out there in the mirror to my imageless being here at my center. It was that simple. As I undertook this journey, all form and materiality dissolved and I found myself empty and clear. No longer a thing, I contained the world. Returning home in this way introduced me to a beautiful and magical country -- the land of everlasting clearness. Spacious, transparent like air or water, my being was pure awareness, containing all things. What a marvel! Once you have visited this magical country, you can go there anytime you wish. Regular travel there changes your life. For example, sometimes I feel lonely. But now I know I have a choice. Do I buy into the view of myself as a separate person cut off from others? If I do, then the loneliness continues and even deepens. Or do I choose to be awake to what I really am, to the pure awareness that belongs to all and contains all? Sometimes I feel depressed. But it's the same issue -- do I accept I am essentially unsuccessful, a failure? As a human being, perhaps yes. But as who I really am? No! I create myself out of less than nothing. And then, on top of that, I create the Universe! After this, tell me what success is! Increasingly I find myself identifying with my true nature over my appearance. I choose this wide-open, richly decorated space of home instead of the essentially meager lot of my single human identity. Why? Primarily because it's the deepest truth. This is who I really am. But also, why live in a shack when you own a palace? Why breathe smog when you can enjoy fresh air? This doesn't necessarily mean my loneliness melts away in a flash, or my depression lifts immediately. But what does happen is that I discover I'm no longer a victim of these restricting states of mind. Because my true being is free of depression and loneliness, just as it's free of being anything, I'm no longer caught under these dark clouds. I see the wonderfully clear sky of my true nature. In fact, I'm looking out at those clouds from this clear sky. And when I don't set up home under those clouds, they have less power over me. When it rains, I don't get wet. This is strong medicine. In the heat of the sun, these clouds evaporate. It's the same when I feel powerless -- which I do regularly. As a human being, so many things are beyond my control. I'm driving to an appointment and, turning a corner, find a vehicle blocking my route. Frustration! Then I discover my phone battery has run out, so I can't call ahead to say I'll be late. Aaagh! Things seem to be going from bad to worse. A dozen times every day, I'm reminded of my lack of control over things. In the country of thinghood, such lack of power is the norm. But here in the land of clearness all things are done according to my will. Here the source of all things rules the day. now we tarry in the center and rule what is external. Hitherto it was a service in aid of the Master; now it is a dissemination of the commands of this Master." -- The Secret of the Golden Flower. This is not contrived positive thinking. I'm not trying to bolster my spirits under the pretence that everything is alright -- even though things may look bad. I know anyway, from past experience, that such an attitude fails. I just can't keep it going. It's also my experience that sometimes I just feel sad, depressed and lonely. I don't wish to deny this just because it's uncomfortable -- though sometimes I do deny it. So I'm not advocating a flight from the world into some bogus spirituality, an illusory ivory tower where I'm okay and smug about it. What I'm talking about is something else. Instead of trying to manipulate my feelings, I simply go home -- to the place where I'm free of depression and loneliness, free of manipulation, free of everything, even whilst I'm hurting. No longer balancing on the peak of an artificial positive attitude, I'm relaxing down into the valley of how things are. At the bottom of this valley lies the peace and safety and wisdom of who one really is -- the one who is free, the one who is in charge, the one who is the source of all things. And though I'm now in the valley, the view from here is clear. In fact, when I'm home I'm more in touch with what I'm feeling, with what is happening in my life, not less. Far from being wishful thinking, an avoidance of reality, this is sober attention to the facts, a surrendering to the simple truth of the way things are. Now I am grounded in the empty center - whilst this amazing and mysterious river of life flows through me, into me, out of me. Whatever is happening, the pristine clearness of home remains ever present -- always unaffected, always accessible. To stay awake to this clarity - to keep shining the light onto the place where you are -- this is pure freedom, pure peace and joy. You have sailed back safely into your home port. So long as you stay there, not even the worst storms can touch you. Your nothingness is your protection.
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