I had a very narrow definition of what perfectionism meant. I encourage you
read through these, and see if any of them "ring true" for you.

• Work/School Perfectionism: This is a very common form. It’s what people
  usually think of when they hear the word perfectionism. A person who is a
  perfectionist at work or school might harbor attitudes like this: I have
  to do the best job possible. If I mess something up, it means that I’ve
  failed. I have to work harder. I have to do better than I’m currently
  doing. I have to achieve more, accomplish more, succeed more.

• Emotional Perfectionism: This is a much more subtle dynamic. People who
  are emotionally perfectionistic believe that they need to "keep their
  emotions together" all the time. Their attitudes might go like this: I
  have to stay positive. I have to stay upbeat. I shouldn’t show any
  emotional negativity or weakness. I can’t let people know how I really
  feel. I should be feeling happy, peaceful, "together" all the
  time. I have to be more secure, more stable than this.

• Relationship Perfectionism: When perfectionism is applied to
  relationships, the person’s relationships are seen as a reflection of
  his/her worth. A "failed" relationship becomes a sign of personal
  failure. The person’s attitudes might go like this: I have to work
  harder to make this relationship work. If it fails, that means I’ve
  failed. All my relationships should be smooth. I shouldn’t have conflicts
  with people. If a relationship isn’t working, it means that I’ve done
  something wrong.

• Spiritual Perfectionism: This is one of my favorites. At least, it’s the
  one I’ve fallen deepest into. Perfectionism applied to spirituality is
  almost comical, when you really look at it. A spiritual perfectionist might
  tell himself/herself: I should be farther along the spiritual path than
  this. I should be more loving. I should be wiser. I should be more
  compassionate. I need to help people more. I should be living a purer life.
  I should be doing a better job at living my spiritual philosophy. I need to
  improve myself more.

• And of course, there are countless other areas to which perfectionism can
  be applied: appearance (I have to look better), social interactions (I
  have to be smoother in my interactions with people), morality (I have
  to be perfectly ethical all the time), and so on. In addition,
  perfectionistic tendencies are often projected onto other people, and things
  are flipped: You should work harder. You should be better.
  You should act in a more ethical way. You should be more loving. You should
  be more spiritually advanced. You should be more emotionally stable.

Every example that I listed above is a form of perfectionism that I have
fallen into. Every single one. I know them well – and, in fact, I write about
this topic in part to remind myself of my own tendencies.

Perfectionistic thinking can be subtle and widespread. Virtually everyone
that I know has some tendency toward perfectionism (or projected
perfectionism, in which the tendencies are projected onto others). It’s
important to unmask these thought-patterns, and see them for what they are.

So what’s the alternative to perfectionism? Some people say, "I’d
rather be perfectionistic than lazy and apathetic." But those aren’t the
only choices. In fact, the true answer to perfectionism lies at the heart of
many spiritual teachings.

I’d like to share a theme from A Course in Miracles that is repeated
over and over in the book. You could say that it’s the foundation of the
entire Course – and, for that matter, many other spiritual philosophies.

Many people read this theme a great number of times without letting it really
sink in. After all, it sounds too lofty to be real. I often find myself saying
things like, "Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that a thousand times. Sounds great,
but give me a break."

The theme – the heart of the Course – can be stated like this:

"You are a child of God. Nothing can change this. And because you are a
child of God, you are perfectly loved, perfectly forgiven, and spiritually
perfect forever. Simply accept that truth about yourself and others."

This attitude, of course, is the opposite of perfectionism. Perfectionists
say, "I’m not perfect – far from it. But perhaps if I work
harder, or do this better, or improve myself in this way, I have a chance to
redeem myself. I just have to try harder."

Again, the spiritual teachings respond by saying, "It’s impossible to
‘make’ yourself perfect. Don’t even try. Instead, be willing to reach deep
down into your heart, and into the hearts of others – into your spiritual
core. There you’ll find the perfection that you’re seeking."

A Course in Miracles takes a very firm stand on this. It says, over
and over: You are worthy not because of your accomplishments, but because God
created you worthy. You are loved not because people like you, but because God
enfolds you in Divine Love. You are acceptable not because you’ve behaved
correctly, but because God accepts you perfectly.

Lofty ideas! And sometimes hard to accept. For these ideas begin to dismantle
the whole thought system of the human ego – the thought system that says,
"I can earn my worth. I can acquire love. I can make myself
acceptable." The spiritual teachings say, "No – worth, love and
acceptance are yours not by your efforts, but by the grace of God. You need do
nothing but accept them."

Accepting these ideas – and sharing them with others – is the core
practice of A Course in Miracles. The human mind may put up some
resistance to them. However, this is our real spiritual work.

Dan Joseph

http://www.DanJoseph.com