Out of the Box

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March 23, 2007 at 17:15:55

Out of the Box

by Dan Joseph Page 2 of 3 page(s)

http://www.awakeningpath.com

And what a profound relief that was. What a contrast. For at least a few days, the box changed completely. For at least a few days, it went like this:

Other people’s opinions of me
are meaningless.

It felt somehow sacrilegious to say that. But boy, did it feel better. And shockingly, I began to have much more enjoyable interactions with people. It was a paradox: once I didn’t care about their opinions, I was free to be myself. And that usually (though not always) engendered far deeper connections.

These days, I slip back and forth between these two attitudes. I’ll fall into the trap of trying to get external approval. Then I’ll fail at it. Then I’ll remember how faulty that approach is, and realign.

Completing the Square
I haven’t found it particularly easy to hold onto this new attitude. But as I was working at it, a helpful idea came to me.

It wasn’t just that other people’s opinions of me were meaningless. My opinions of them were meaningless, too! Although humbling, that was an important realization. It began to strengthen the change of attitude.

I put these two thoughts side-by-side in a row:

Other people’s opinions of me are meaningless. -- My opinions of other people are meaningless.

This built on an important idea from A Course in Miracles. The idea is that as we see other people, we’ll see ourselves – and vice versa.

If I wanted to accept that I didn’t need other people’s approval, then I also needed to accept that they didn’t need my approval. Each side of that equation strengthened the other.

To complete things, I finished the square:

Other people’s opinions of me are meaningless. -- My opinions of other people are meaningless.

Other people’s opinions of themselves are meaningless. -- My opinions of myself are meaningless.

[Note: to clarify, you could replace the word "opinions" here with "unloving opinions."]

Those last two quadrants may sound unusual. But they are important strengtheners, as well.

Much of the inner conflict that we experience comes from critical self-assessments. "I’m not smart enough." "I don’t do a good enough job at work." "I’m a failure." "I’m unlovable."

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www.DanJoseph.com

Dan Joseph has been writing about the connection between spirituality and psychology for the past ten years. He is the author of two books: "Inspired by Miracles" and "Inner Healing."

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